saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
