He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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