Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
