She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
