I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
