Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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