Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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