I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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