conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
