it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
