I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
