whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
