I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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