and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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