i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
