dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
