Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
