Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
