Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
