hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
