Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
