Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
