I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
