so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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