sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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