I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
