At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
