well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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