I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
