I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
