sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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