While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
