Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
