I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
