I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
