yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
