It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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