The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
