One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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