i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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