remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
