Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
