end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
