He told me they were just razor bumps!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
