literally had 100 drinks last night.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize