I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
