Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
