So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
