I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
