He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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