Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
