I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
