there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
