mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
