when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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