I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
