Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
