Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
