Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
