I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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