new low.... made out with someone while peeing
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
