he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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