I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
