So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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