the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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