she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
