I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
