I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize