the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
