When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
