I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
