honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
