do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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