we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
