I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I came so hard my ears popped.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
