who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if only i could text you this smell
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
