I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
