This is not my ceiling
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
