Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
