Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize