Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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