If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
